Why is being ungrateful such a common trait of humanity? We deal with it every day and usually do our best to avoid it. In the spirit of being GREAT, it’s our role to run into those fires that people set. It gives us an opportunity to show them what gratitude looks like. It can be transformative..for them and you! With JJ White and James Munsey.
For the podcast of this show: https://www.spreaker.com/user/9298117/gps-e92-ungreatfulness
Below are the show notes for this episode. Enjoy!
Voiceover: 00:08 Welcome to the great people show your guide to greatness. Your gps to excellence. Here is your host, JJ White
JJ: 00:21 Hi everyone. And welcome to the Great People Show, I am your host, JJ White and once again, week after week, back in the great people studio with me is my esteemed cohost. What did I call you this morning. Tonto. Is that what it was? No, it was something else. I don’t know. I was tired when I walked in the door and now what was it anyway, this is James [inaudible]. Good Morning John.
James: 00:41 Good morning buddy. How are you?
JJ: 00:41 I’m doing fantastic. What’s new?
James: 00:43 Ah, not much. Another week. It’s been a good one. It’s rain. It’s been rained a lot here in Richmond. Big surprise.
JJ: 00:48 Little underwater. Yeah, we’ve been, we’ve, we’ve been floating for a while here in Richmond.
James: 00:53 Saw the, saw the forecast for this weekend. Guess what? 80 range. Oh, snow. No rain. Well No.
JJ: 01:01 Well James, we should be grateful for God plenishing us with water to make sure that the crops are, are, are, are good. But I can tell you what, man, you don’t have to look real far to find a lot of ungrateful people when it comes to this weather.
James: 01:19 No, that’s true. I’m looking at one of them
JJ: 01:21 and I will say that you don’t have to look very far to find a lot of ungrateful people for every single thing on this planet. Minute by minute. Second by second.
James: 01:32 We should, uh, we should talk more about that.
JJ: 01:33 Yeah. If you’re not, if you’re not joining us on video, today’s topic is about ungratefulness. And if you are catching us on video, you’ll notice that we’ve misspelled it because we’re going to put the grate back in ungrateful. Oh boy. I have no idea what that means, but it’s just a major play on words that I could not resist to do. And there’s probably some more other phrases we could use the word great, but this is not a political show. So we’re going to just stay way away from that. All right, fair enough. Way, way off from that way, way, way away from that.
JJ: 02:05 So wherever you’re listening to us now, Facebook live podcasts, perhaps you’re catching us on radio somewhere in the world. Thank you for being here and allowing us to be a part of your journey. Of course, you can get all of our shows on our website at great people, show.com every show we deliver to you, the listener, the insights and inspiration for life of significance, which really translates to how are you impacting other people? How are you transforming other people? But let’s face it, if people around us are, are ungrateful or being ungrateful or communicating in a, in a way that is ungrateful, that is so taxing on us, James. Oh my gosh. I mean it’s the words, the question that I have here right out of the gate is why is being ungrateful, such a common trait in humanity?
James: 02:54 Because, uh, it’s part of our human nature to always want more. And we also goes back to that whole social media culture that we have where it appears if you look on Facebook, that half your friends have way more than you do and we want what we don’t have. And that causes us to be ungrateful for what we do have.
JJ: 03:19 That’s a good, we want what we don’t have. So as a result of that, we can get bitter, we can get upset, we can sometimes just get straight up manacle about everything that we have and we look past all the goodness in it because there is just something else out there that we wish we had and we don’t.
James: 03:38 That’s right. And you know it’s you, you, you live in your own castle. You hopefully you’re blessed with a great family and or great friends, possessions, while not the important things, if not the most important thing. If you have a car to get you around, if you have the basic necessities, food on the table, a job that pays you a living wage, you know you’ve got a million things to be grateful for. But the question becomes, why don’t I have a better car? Why don’t I make more money? Why don’t, why, why, why? And we are so blessed. But our nature is not to look around us. It’s only at what we do have. It’s to look around us. And see what we don’t have.
JJ: 04:23 I don’t know who first discovered water, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a fish. Yeah, I mean when it’s, when, when it’s a part of us and in surrounded by us, we don’t see it. We’re, we’re, we don’t take the time to be thankful for it. So we have a tremendous amount of ground to cover in this show because James, I still haven’t made the decision.
JJ: 04:40 Maybe we try to do both, but I still haven’t made the decision of exactly what direction we need to go on this topic because it’s started as how do you deal with ungrateful people? The other side of this coin is, are you being ungrateful too, there’s like three shows wrapped up in each one of those veins
James: 05:02 and that’s all super important stuff. Right. And very, very different stuff because yeah, we deal with ungrateful friends, family, acquaintances, business colleagues every single day. And then yeah, sometimes we are that person,
JJ: 05:18 so we’re going to have to try to travel down both paths. I can’t help myself. I can’t just not, or I can’t just talk about one and not talk about the other. So, so we’re going to travel down both of these paths. As you listen to the show, we’re going to make sure that you have some tools on how to manage the relationship better with ungrateful people or when people are being ungrateful.
JJ: 05:39 But also this needs to be an inflective show of am I not thankful enough or even going so far as being ungrateful about what I have and who I am. And we went to social media with this topic on Monday in and I started to recall the show that you did when I was absent that time on pet peeves. Yeah. So the question was what are people most ungrateful for? And I, and I felt like a lot of the answers were kind of pet peeves. Like people are, are ungrateful whenever I let them over in traffic or people diversed answer was that I saw, I think it was from John was people are ungrateful when I just hold the door open for them. I mean I’ve, I’ve, I’ve, we’ve all been there right where you hold the door open for someone and they walk right through and they don’t even look at you. They don’t say anything. You just literally, if you don’t protect your own mind, you’ll say, well go back out and I’ll make sure I shut in your face. I mean that’s how we want to react to that.
James: 06:39 It happens often time cause I’m a serial door holder as I know you are. And a, so what I do is I say you’re welcome. Even if they don’t say thank you and I make sure they can hear it. So sugar ray, a friend from uh, back in high school days on Facebook live. Right now he’s in a wheelchair. So I’m sure this whole hold the door open thing open for someone is, is, is very personal. He sees it all the time.
JJ: 06:59 His response to this is a, he doesn’t deal with ungrateful people. He just points to my wheelchair and ask them if they want to be in my situation. Oh Wow. Man. Talk about, talk about ammo. Yeah. Holy smokes. But think, think of the impact he’s having on someone. If he meets an ungrateful person, what he gets to show someone and say, you know, buddy, your life could be a lot worse. What are you freaking worried about right now?
James: 07:24 Yeah, no, exactly. And, uh, you know, I spent, I spent the weekend last weekend in Virginia Beach at, uh, at a the Virginia Annual Virginia Fire Chiefs Association conference and a buddy of mine who passed away this past fall, Brad Clark received the governor’s Award for our, for firefighter of the year, which was great. And the reason I bring all this up is because I had the pleasure of spending a lot of time with a young man named Carter Lewis. Now Carter was involved in the accident. I in Carter, lost his right leg below his knee. Wow. He also, um, basically destroyed his MCL and ACL in his knee. And, and by the way, he would in no way mind if I, um, if I mentioned this because we talked about it and Carter. So Carter’s life completely changed in October on the 11th when this accident happened. And he is like one of the most inspirational people that I know because he is nothing but grateful for everything that he has and all the opportunities that he has coming his way.
James: 08:40 And uh, he’s already on a prosthetic and his plan is to be back working full time on a fire engine. Wow. By, uh, by Halloween and, and fully everybody fully believes he will reach that goal. And he and I were talking, we, uh, we drove back just the two of us. I’m from Virginia Beach to Richmond and we were talking on the drive back and I was saying to him, you know, when the dust settles from all this, uh, I really hope that you’ll go out and speak. And, and he said, he definitely plans to. And I said, you know, because you have such a story to tell and it’s not a story about the accident is part of it, but your story is about your response to what happened, which is just this response that I can’t imagine having myself where, I mean I saw him in the hospital less than 48 hours after this happened and the first thing he did was whip out his cell phone and started showing me youtube videos of firefighters with prosthetics with an ear of your smile is not going to be a victim telling me that this is going to be me.
JJ: 09:45 He was not going to be a victim. He was going to be a creator and he was going to make the best of his situation.
James: 09:51 Exactly. And so it’s a long story with the point being that this is somebody that by all accounts had so much to be ungrateful for, for what had happened to him and he chose to take the other path. He continues to choose the other path, which is to show all the things and and internally have all the things that he is grateful for. In his life. And it’s incredibly hard. It’s,
JJ: 10:16 it’s, um, it’s hard for normal people to do it. I, it’s practically impossible to us to believe that if something like that happened to us, we could actually be s any, any way, any way. Grateful for that. Right? Anyway, grateful for that. Um, so what, what does, what does ungratefulness looks like? So this is a great example of what gratefulness looks like. What does ungratefulness look like? Now you will notice these things in the wild. You will probably be thinking of people in your life right now. We’re certainly someone that you’ve crossed paths with recently or maybe long time ago, and you just haven’t let go of it. But the other thing that I’m going to implore you to think about is how does this sound to you? Like, are you this person? Are you being ungrateful? Um, you never hear them say thank you.
JJ: 11:04 You just never hear those words come out of their mouth. It’s, it’s awkward when they say it. It’s a, it was almost awkward. If, if you’re, they’re hearing it, are you that person? Do you rarely ever say thank you? If you, if you don’t, you may be an ungrateful person. Uh, they’re always in need and, and maybe it’s that person. The only reason they call you, the only reason they text you, the only reason they message you is because they need something that’s uh, probably an ungrateful person. So do you have people in your life? The only time you ever talked to them is when you need something. Um, this one is hard for me to turn off cause I listened for it all the time. Is an ungrateful person typically never asked the question. They only make statements because they’re only really focused in on who they are.
JJ: 11:52 And let’s face it the more, you are focused in on who you are. The less opportunity you have to be grateful for what you have because as long as you remain and stay in your own head and you live in your own head, then it’s real easy to get caught up in. I’m bored in here. I don’t have enough. I’m not doing enough and not being thankful because as soon as you look for people like Carter, as soon as you look for people that I just mentioned earlier, sugar ray who’s in a wheelchair that really changes the script on life, that really makes you start to realize, wow, what in the heck am I complaining about? I’m hoping that you’ve said that to yourself at some point in your life that you literally out loud and say, gosh, what am I complaining about? Look at that person’s situation and what a major blessing it is to not only have someone that crosses your path that is perhaps less fortunate than you or less mobile than you or or whatever, and to be able to look at them and say, I have it.
James: 12:48 No, very true. And going back to what you were, well you were talking about a minute ago with people who are always in need. I mean don’t you have those few people, JJ, that when you see their name pop up on your phone that they’re calling you, your first thought is what do they, what? What does, what do they want? Because that’s the only time I hear from this person.
JJ: 13:08 Do you, do you, uh, do you not answer the phone when those people call a
James: 13:12 certain people know certain, some, yes, but sometimes, you know, sometimes it’s honestly just a kind of entertaining for me to pick up the phone to, you know, to justify that I was correct that they are only calling me because they want something and if they leave a message and they tell you what they want, you go, I knew it, I knew it.
James: 13:30 I did get one of those calls last weekend, uh, which I did completely ignore because I knew exactly the first one was just they needed something
JJ: 13:37 the next one on this list of what ungrateful people look like. His tie directly into those type of people is they always expect you to help him. Like there’s, there’s no, I’m really hoping you can help me. It’s, look, I’m calling you, I need this and I’m sure you’re going to do it for me. Yeah. I mean, that’s a very ungrateful person. A grateful person is one that never assumes that everyone around you is going to be there to help you do everything. Because at the end of the day, you need to be able to help yourself. And if you can’t help yourself and you do reach out to someone, be gracious in that and not expect them that they’re going to drop everything and come help you.
JJ: 14:09 Uh, the other thing that identifies an ungrateful person is things are only happening on their time. It’s, it’s about what they need and when they need it and when you need to help them. Another one, I’m sure this has happened to you before, I’m actually sure that you’ve done this before, is they bite the hand that feeds them, that through all this things, all these things that they’re given and help and whatnot, that they are so ungrateful, they actually turn it around and hurt the other person. Yeah. That’s some that I, I’m not sure I’ve had too much of that happened to me. That’s, um, that that’s pretty much the worst sugar ray just said on, on Facebook. Live, answer the phone. What do you need?
JJ: 14:53 That’s a good way to head that one off at the pass. I like that. It is, um, last one on this list of what the ungrateful people look like. They only remember the times that you didn’t help them and they’re going to throw that in your face. So this whole list is not just to help you identify an ungrateful person. It’s probably more important to identify are you ever being that ungrateful person? So, uh, what causes, what causes on gratefulness? That’s
James: 15:22 I think I, I’d like to think that people’s upbringing have something to do with it. So I think the apple usually doesn’t fall too far from the tree. I mean, Amen. My wife and I are like, we are huge into thank yous and pleases and you’re welcomes probably almost to a fault, but our children are the same way and they didn’t get that way on their own. They got that way because it’s a value that’s very important to Katherine and I. So I, I mean, do you think that that nurture has a lot to do with it?
JJ: 15:55 I think it has the first 20 years to do with it.
James: 15:59 By the time you’re in, you’re in 20 years, you, those habits are probably pretty well formed and hopefully you genuinely feel that sense of, of gratefulness
JJ: 16:09 and um, on the flip side, so, so I think where we’re, what we’re describing here is growing up in a household that was ungrateful or it didn’t model gratefulness, the other side of this upbringing that I think leads to ungratefulness is absolutely no hardships. James, oh yeah. Taken care of, spoiled over, protected to the point where all that stuff, all these things that we’re talking about is just normalcy. It’s expected to happen. And when it doesn’t happen, then we are ungrateful for it.
James: 16:46 Yeah. So you’re saying if the world just unfolds before me and everything that I ever can think of just appears and I don’t have to work for it. And, and I, I can’t really understand the value of it, that that can lead to people just being overall ungrateful because they don’t, they don’t understand why they should be grateful
JJ: 17:06 and, and, and so that, so now we can call them ignorant because they have, they really, they’ve never been taught to be grateful. They are completely ignorant to what gratefulness feels like, what it actually looks like. And when, when someone gives so deep into that ungratefulness uh, not only can they not, they not identify the ungratefulness, they also can identify the gratefulness. Yeah. Like you just are literally blind to it. Ignorant, blind, whatever word you want to hear you use to it is they live in darkness when it comes to this part of their life.
JJ: 17:36 Um, another reason why people become ungrateful, it’s because of high expectations. If your bar set so high with yourself and other people that no matter what you do, no matter what they do, no matter what you accomplish. I mean, how many times right now or anytime in your life, if you’ve been around people in a relationship, have friends, coworkers, bosses that they could never do anything right for you, never do anything right. You are almost automatically never going to be grateful for anything that they did. Right, because you couldn’t even see it. That’s the expectations were too high.
James: 18:12 Yeah. I mean, and your expectations were too high, but that’s not always, is that always your fault though? If you expect something of a coworker and they can’t produce it? I mean, if they’re incapable, Yup.
JJ: 18:25 You can always find good in somebody’s. Yeah, always find good.
JJ: 18:28 Frazier. Just put one on Frazier hughes.com by the way, just put one on our Facebook live feed that is on our list. I’m going to go to it. He said pain and hurt causes ungratefulness and that was what we had on our list, but in the form of a question is what? What if they are in pain, emotional pain, then it is very comforting to be ungrateful. It almost justifies that pain and hurt that we have. It’s a, it’s, it’s a deep hole to crawl into whenever you’re that hurt that you can’t find anything good in your life. Yeah. I mean, I, I can see that. I mean, but even, even when you’re in that situation, I don’t know. It’s still, there’s still reasons to be grateful to those who are trying to help you. And I guess that’s the challenge. Yeah. Another one on this list is it’s hard work for many people.
JJ: 19:22 For some people it’s very natural. Maybe we’re back into this upbringing thing that if you’ve got a behavior of gratefulness and you see the good in the world and, uh, you see the good in yourself, it can come pretty easy. But James, I know a lot of people were just saying thank you is incredibly difficult for somebody. Yeah. And I don’t, I don’t, I’ll be the first to admit I don’t get that at all. Um, it’s a sign of for, for, for many people saying thank you. And, uh, the reason it’s hard work is because they feel like they’re being vulnerable. They feel like they’re being weak. They feel like they’re opening themselves up for more hurt. So it’s just a, it’s a defense mechanism. It’s a wall. It’s something that people do to not let other people in. And by saying thank you, I’m most um, says you can walk into my life.
JJ: 20:10 And some people believe that if you let them walk into your life that they’re going to walk all over your life. And so they would just rather not not do that. And that comes across as being ungrateful. Um, another one on this list, which is just like that is they’re giving up control people. People do not become grateful because they feel like that if they become grateful and put themselves out there, they’re losing control. Um, maybe this next one, it has to do with too high expectations, but they’re just waiting for other people to disappoint them. They’re waiting for the bottom to drop out. Like if you’re that person listening right now, this whole line of conversation, if this resonates with you, that you literally are waiting for that person to fail, then a, they probably will. Everyone fails. Eventually everyone fails. But just to think about the expectation you have of that person and then they fail and then you say, I told you so and then they are not the ungrateful person.
JJ: 21:12 You’re the ungrateful person. Yeah.
James: 21:14 I mean an attitude like that is going to become a self fulfilling prophecy almost every single time. If you are looking for a way for somebody to disappoint you, guess what? You’re probably going to find that happen.
JJ: 21:27 Absolutely. Um, one, one point, a topic we should put in here is there ungratefulness is going to automatically lead to your ungratefulness. Mm. And this show is about building the resistance to a, let their negativity create negativity in you, but also completely flip the script so that you react counter to that ungratefulness. I’d say I’m just winging this number, James. I’d say nine times out of 10 when someone is on grateful to you, you respond emotionally by walking away, by exiting, by ignoring, by going away, not answering the call. Right? Yeah.
James: 22:15 I mean, my thought is basically screw you to be honest with you when, when somebody does that, because I’m such the opposite of that. So, I dunno, we, we naturally put on other people our expectations of ourselves. And that could be a whole another show. But you know, gratefulness is an example. If you are generally a very grateful person, then you expect other people to be the same and when they’re not. Yeah. My attitude is usually, Yep, screw you
JJ: 22:42 back to holding the door open piece. Right. Whenever you hold the door open for someone and they don’t respond with, with the thank you, with gratefulness, not only do you have negativity towards that person, it actually causes you to want to do that less for other people that we allow some one person’s ungratefulness to affect our gratefulness towards the rest of the people in our life.
James: 23:03 Yeah, I mean, and if you let it, it’ll affect your mood and that’s, you’ve got to try not flood. That happened. I was at a Wawa the other day and you know, the y has two doors, you know, so you walk through one door, there’s a little medium. Yeah,then another door. So I held the first door and I held it for someone they walked through. So then they open the second door and they just keep on walking. I mean, I would say expectations,
JJ: 23:24 high expectations, James, that’s exactly what you were supposed to do in their life, that you barely met their expectations as a human being. So why should I thank you for meeting my expectations? I, I’ve, I have, I’ve worked as a coach and a trainer with people when we get to this whole gratitude piece of leadership, I’ve literally had, I, there’s many of this isn’t just like a one or two type fringe thing. I’ve had so many people say to me, why should I thank them for doing that? That’s their job. And it’s like if you regularly express, if you’re not expressing gratitude, then you’re automatically expressing ingratitude.
JJ: 24:07 Let that sink in, in the absence of gratitude, automatically filling the void is ungratitude. So if you’re not going out of your way to do this, guess what? You’ve already gone out of your way to do that.
James: 24:21 Yeah, yeah. No, that’s, that’s true. And, uh, and some of us get more gratitude than others. I mean if you talked to any firefighter, police officer, veteran, well not any, but most would tell you that uh, you know, being thanked for your service becomes like almost a running joke time between you and your friends because it happens. You can’t take five steps without hearing that and it’s great to get that gratitude at the same time when you get it that much, it seems less meaningful. One thing I want to add, I’m going to interrupt the show just for a second cause I should have done this at the top.
JJ: 24:53 You can now text us anytime you want and if you text us during our live show and put your name in it and if it’s a appropriate, we may actually ask the question or give the comment just like we do on our Facebook live feed and you can text us anytime. It it’s the, the number is three Oh five 50. Great. That’s three Oh five five zero great. Or (305) 504-7328 text us anytime. And, um, eventually you will be able to call back into the show like we used to have with this number. I’m pretty excited about it. That’s awesome. But we’ll take, we’ll take your texts anytime for, um, questions, comments or, or whatever. So let’s start talking a little bit more about what specifically people are ungrateful for. And this was a pretty enlightening to me because a lot of people had some of the same answers.
JJ: 25:40 And if we can identify these areas that other people are typically in grateful for, we can probably apply that to our life. Um, number one actually. And there was like, there was a, a tie for it, but it was, people are on grateful for other people’s time, meaning I give you time, uh, I’m doing it for free. I’m volunteering for you. I’m helping you and know and appreciate. I shouldn’t say no one. That’s an absolute, too many people don’t appreciate the time that I invest in this or them. And I totally got that. When I kept seeing it show up, I was like, you know, that makes total sense. I think most people are unappreciative of other people’s time. Yeah.
James: 26:18 And guess what folks, time is the most valuable thing that we have. It is the only currency that there is a finite amount of that we don’t know how much of it we have. Um, giving your time I would say is the most generous thing that you can do for another human being. And you’re right, a lot of people are not grateful when others give their time.
JJ: 26:42 And this was, I think I must have given in this particular question of what are most people in grateful for was each other family. And then you start getting into that whole taking for granted thing. The people that are closest to us mean you can just listen to the last um, 30 minutes of the show. And in, in all of this applies to our family is our family. Are the people that were used to most being around most of the time. Another one that showed up just as much as time was, most people are ungrateful for freedom. It’s back to that fish in water thing. We are so used to our freedoms in this country that we have completely forgotten in many cases how it came to be and how that translates into every single thing that we do.
JJ: 27:28 The fact, if you’re listening to the show right now, the fact that you’re listening to it anywhere you want however you want, and there’s not anybody right now screening us for any reason to shut this thing down is an amazing experience in this world. But James, nobody’s thinking about it. No, nobody’s really thinking about it. When do they think about it
James: 27:52 when they don’t have it? When it’s gone? Yeah. But it’s something we, I mean, a lot of things that were ungrateful for are things like that that we just take for granted. Right? Uh,
JJ: 28:03 another big one on here is people, uh, are ungrateful for the truth. I think, uh, when people are responding to that question, it’s people that are giving advice that was another piece of this or speaking truth into their life. They’re just not thankful for that. They become upset for it or resistant to it or whatever.
JJ: 28:22 Um, so there’s plenty to choose from here. People are ungrateful for their health. They’re ungrateful for good customer service, kindness, anything you didn’t have to work for. That was one of my favorite answers by the way, that people are generally ungrateful for anything he didn’t have to work for.
James: 28:39 And you know, you mentioned health. Yes, health is a big one. We don’t, very few of us on a daily basis are consciously grateful for our health. Um, but you are certainly grateful for it when you don’t have it, you know, you, you, I mean, I tell you what, when I ended up in the hospital, what, 14 months ago unexpectedly, I mean when all of a sudden, I guess what, I lost my freedom when that happened. I, I didn’t have my health as it was a scary thing. And you know, it’s one of those things we rarely think about until we no longer have it.
JJ: 29:13 So this was a quote or some quotes from someone by the name of Sapna Modec I’ve said earlier in the show, I only quote people with names that I cannot pronounce. Yep. So here we went. Here we go again. Only a person who is poor would know what it means to be rich. Only a person who is hungry would know the value of food. Only a person who is thirsty would know the value of water and a Frazier hughes.com posted to our Facebook page just now. 10 signs you’re well in life and I’m just gonna run through these real fast. You have a roof over your head. You ate today. You have a good heart, you wish good for others. You have clean water, someone cares for you, you strive to be better. You have clean clothes, you have a dream and your breathing. So many things that we are ungrateful for.
James: 29:59 no, absolutely. And those are, those are, you know, only thirsty. Another value of water. You know, again, it’s only when you don’t have something, a lot of the time that you truly are great can, can imagine what it’d be like to be grateful to have it. I remember in sports, uh, there was a poster in a locker room when I was in high school and it said, uh, nobody understands the thrill of victory more than the defeated.
JJ: 30:20 Ooh, I like that. Yeah. Be grateful. Be Grateful, be grateful for that victory. So let’s start to bring this plane in for landing. We’re going to be ending this show on how to deal with ungrateful people slash we’re putting an asterisk next to it slash how to exercise gratefulness more in our own life because this stuff applies just as much to us as it does to someone else. Number one, the way to deal with ungrateful people the most is to change your mind about them. Uh, we’ve used the formula often on this show, what you think controls how you feel, how you feel, controls what you do in what you do, controls all these things. Control who you are. If you are truly going to deal with an ungrateful person better and not just deal with them because that, that that’s like bare minimum, right?
JJ: 31:22 Is this dealing. But if you’re going to truly have an impact on someone’s life is specially if they’re going to be ungrateful. You have to change the way that you think about them and the way that you think about them is take yourself out of the equation. Yeah. If you have any negative thoughts, negative feelings or emotions about that ungrateful person, you are now putting yourself before them. And it’s natural to do that. Folks, I understand it. Nobody wants that kind of negativity in your life, but the only way that you’re going to be able to have a profound impact on their life is if you start to pull yourself out of the equation. In fact, I would say that for anything in your life, the more you put yourself into these equations, the less chances you have of a being successful yourself or be helping other people in life be successful.
JJ: 32:16 So change your mind about them. And another big one that we mentioned earlier here is manage your expectations. Do you have a bar so high that nobody can get to? I used to be that way and I still am. I am very much like that way to a certain extent. I mean James, we’ve got this studio we’ve like, I have expectations that the equipment’s going to work and we’re going to be on point in and everything’s gonna be fine. And whenever those expectations aren’t met, which I think are pretty high, it can get pretty frustrating.
James: 32:50 It can. And we talked earlier in the show just about what we put on other people. We have a natural tendency to reflect the expectations we have of ourselves on to other people. Yes. And that’s not realistic at all. Never again, human nature and something we need to try to be conscious of.
JJ: 33:11 Number two, how to deal with ungrateful people slash how not to be ungrateful is humble yourself. That too often we want to fluff our feathers and put ourselves, uh, as the most important person in the room. But we really have to humble ourselves to realize, well, maybe, maybe I’m the problem. Maybe I caused them to be ungrateful. Maybe I’m pushing them to be ungrateful. So humble yourself. This one is a, is a, um, a flashback to two shows ago where we talked about love is a skill. Here is another place, free to exercise. That skill of love is with ungrateful people. You know, it’s really easy to love the lovable. It’s really easy to love that person that loves us back. But when that person is being so ungrateful that you don’t want to be around them anymore, a, they have probably stopped loving themself in everything about themselves.
JJ: 34:19 But B, you’ve automatically turned your dial down on love. I’m going to challenge you. They need your love the most and that’s the actual best time to express that love. Now that doesn’t mean, you walk up to someone and give them a kiss. Folks, I know you’re probably giggling, but we’re talking about brotherly and sisterly love, truly reaching out to someone because that ungratefulness is probably rooted somewhere in a lot of hurt and pain. MMM, tough one.
James: 34:49 That’s a tough one. That’s tough one for me. I struggle. I struggle to be able to do that.
JJ: 34:53 It’s, it’s natural human interaction. Um, that we, we want to protect ourselves by not letting ourselves get too emotional in certain situation. And by the way, love isn’t an emotion as much as it is a skill. So you can show someone love without feeling love towards them. In fact, there’s probably a good chance that if you show love, you’ll feel love.
JJ: 35:11 Um, the next one here is to show them gratitude model it. Most people that are really consistently ungrateful are pushing people away and they don’t have a model of gratefulness in their life. The best thing you may be able to do is just show them what it looks like to be grateful. And that will start to literally rub off on them a little bit because if people don’t know what that model looks like, how are they supposed to change? Yup. In isn’t it our role and responsibility to be that model should be the next one here is don’t be an enabler and their cycle in your life. If they’re the person that is always making you help them or what not and you just do it, you do have to draw the line somewhere. Part of that love is hard truths, a tough love, tough love.
JJ: 36:06 And that is actually showing gratefulness to someone by stopping them in their tracks and saying, I’m sorry I can’t let you do this anymore. This isn’t gonna work for me and us. And many times people have never had that in their life. So you could be, that person is to end their cycle. And um, this one, I know it doesn’t apply to all of our listeners right now and if it doesn’t apply to you, I’d love to have a conversation with you about this, but I truly believe the absolute best thing you can do for ungrateful people in Your Life is pray for them and they are hurting way more than you are right now if they are that ungrateful. So that’s in my opinion, the absolute best thing you can do and be that model for them of what gratefulness looks like because I’m grateful and ungrateful.
JJ: 37:02 Um, there’s only one word difference between great and ungrateful. Yup. You just flip the a and the E. Yep. That’s it. I mean, your greatness is so close to ungrateful. It’s unbelievable. Thin line. It’s a thin line. So that’s our, our charge for you today is to embrace the ungrateful in your life and truly give them something to strive for. We want to thank you for being here with us. Um, we appreciate your, you’re liking us on our Facebook page and of course if you can give us a review on our, on our podcast, on apple podcast, we have a new tax number three Oh five 50. Great. You can text us anytime. If you text us in the show, there’s a good chance that we’ll be able to read that on the air and, and answer some of your questions. But of course the text is open 24 seven Yo, so send us a text anytime.
JJ: 37:54 We love to hear about topics and ideas that you want to have for the show. Um, you can get our show every single week, whether it’s apple podcast, our website at great people, shot.com if you’re a big podcast or you can actually go right to pod.link/great people show and it’ll take you to just about any platform you can to get our, our podcast. We are grateful for you listening in, in sharing the show. That’s another thing that, that I don’t think we ask for enough is to, if you, if you like what you hear, if you appreciate what we, what we do for you is, is share that with all your friends.
JJ: 38:30 Please do and, uh, leave you one last time with this, uh, this quote from Mr Sapna. Modec people are ungrateful these days because of prosperity, abundance, riches, safety, and security. They’re like fish in the sea. The fish don’t know the value of the sea they live in until they jump out of it.
JJ: 38:48 Thank you all for being here. We’re grateful. Go out and make some stuff happen. See ya!
Voiceover: 38:56 Thanks for joining us. Tune in to the great people show again next week.